Saturday, August 12, 2006

Lyrics for "Take Off Your T-Shirt"

Watt White, lead singer for The Smashup, made a funny little song ridiculing those who buy "retro" t-shirts featuring 1980s rock or metal bands they've never even heard... and I haven't seen the lyrics out there anywhere, so here they are.


Take Off Your T-Shirt (If You Can't Name A Song By The Band That's On It)

(spoken)
Sabrina, Sabrina, check it out! My new t-shirt!
Oh my God, oh my God, you look rad!
Like, I know! I know!
Yeah! Wait, what's... Qu... eens... ryche?
Oh. I dunno. I think I'm gonna rip the collar off it.
Oh.

I cut class, I skipped school,
I hauled ass, to sleep out,
In the parking lot of Coconuts,
Where they had the Ticketron
Tower two, obstructed view,
I saw the show that changed my life
But I did not see you, so

Take off your t-shirt, Miss Metallica 
You were two years old when "Ride the Lightning" came out
You felt no pain when Burton died 
But you cried when they canceled "Baby Muppets"
You master of the puppets

Take off your shirt, Miss AC/DC
You don't even know "Hell's Bells" from Hatebreed
You got that shirt 'cause urban stuff is so cool (fool!)
For those about to suck, we salute you

Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
If you can't name a song by the band that's on it
Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
If you can't name a song by the band that's on it

No size tag, and faded, 
Decal disintegrated
How I suffered, cash in hand, 
while clawing to the concession stand
Like a flag my shirt has flown
Through countless painful nights 
You could have never known

Take off your t-shirt, Mister Misfits
You mistook Glen Danzig for Trent Reznor once, you dipshit
Miss Motley Crue, I mean you
No they did not sing "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"
The sheep must be shorn
Take off your t-shirt, Iron Maiden
The number of the beast was not six-six-seven
I'd like to learn about Black Sabbath from you
But they don't play them on MTV2

Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
If you can't name a song by the band that's on it
Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
Strip to the waist, take it off, be honest
You can't name a song by the band that's on it

Still so crisp from hanging on the rack
This t-shirt stretched across your back
Says nothing of the sacrifice
Through thick and thin, wind, snow and ice
Did I through adolescence wield
This one hundred percent cotton shield
Now face to face, and shirt to shirt
It's revealed your ignorance of Queensryche
Won't you let them be, 'cause they belong to me!

Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
If you can't name a song by the band that's on it
Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
(spoken) Check it out, it says "Molly Hatchet!"
Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
If you can't name a song by the band that's on it
Take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt, take off your t-shirt
Strip to the waist, take it off, be honest
You can't name a song by the band that's on it
You don't know the guys put it on your garment
So take that shirt off now

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